Monica Bhide So you think you can write a funny caption? Come on, now.. you know you can! Today, I am thrilled and pretty much crazed with excitement to be able to share this with you. New Yorker’s super talented cartoonist Liza Donnelly drew a cartoon JUST FOR THIS BLOG!! Now, all we have to do is give her a caption she loves and she will send a prize to the winner!
Here is the cartoon and Liza says, “”Cartoonists write captions as they draw the idea (and sometimes the other way around): the two are integral and hard to separate. But, my advice is to have fun with this image, go wild, go intellectual, go playful. Whatever strikes you!”:
Here are her rules:
1. This contest is only open to non-New Yorker Magazine people
2. The caption has to be about spices in some way
3. Being lewd will get you nowhere
4. Judges: Liza Donnelly and Michael Maslin, New Yorker cartoonists
5. Winner will receive a signed copy of Liza’s book– (including personalized drawing inside) When Do They Serve the Wine?
LIZA DONNELLY BIO
Liza Donnelly is a staff cartoonist with The New Yorker Magazine. When she first began selling to The New Yorker in 1979, she was the youngest and one of only three cartoonists who were women. Donnelly is a public speaker and has spoken at TED, the United Nations, and The New Yorker Festival, among many other places. Donnelly has appeared on CBS Sunday Morning, NBC and BetterTV, and has been profiled on radio and in numerous magazines, newspapers and online. Donnelly’s cartoons and commentary can be seen on various websites: CNN.com; huffingtonpost.com; salon.com; dailybeast.com; womensEnews.org; narrativemagazine.com. Her work has appeared in numerous publications, including The New York Times, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, The Nation and The Harvard Business Review, and her cartoons have been exhibited around the world.
Donnelly has published fifteen books, her most recent is When Do They Serve the Wine?: The Folly, Flexibility, and Fun of Being a Woman
(2010, Chronicle Books). She also wrote Funny Ladies: The New Yorker’s Greatest Women Cartoonists And Their Cartoons
, Sex and Sensibility: Ten Women Examine the Lunacy of Modern Love…in 200 Cartoons and Cartoon Marriage: Adventures in Love and Matrimony by The New Yorker’s Cartooning Couple
(with Michael Maslin). Donnelly is at work on a new book, due out in 2012.
She conceived of and is editor for World Ink, a site of international cartoons from contributors around the globe on dscriber.com. She is a charter member of an international project, Cartooning for Peace, helping to promote understanding around the world through humor. Her website is lizadonnelly.com and her blog is whendotheyservethewine.com. Donnelly teaches part-time at Vassar College. and is a member of PEN, Authors Guild and the National Cartoonist Society. She and her husband, New Yorker cartoonist, Michael Maslin, live in New York.
“Donnelly’s cartoons are the best kind of funny—sly, smart, and right on the money. [They] are great social commentary as well as great fun.” Susan Orlean, 2010
“Liza often steps out from behind her drawing table to make this world not just a funnier place, but a better one too.” Planet Green, 2010
At the risk that only people who cook Indian food might get this, here’s my entry:
“Oh, why, WHY do I always put the asafoetida on the top shelf?”
DK
“What do you mean you don’t have it! ” You got to be joking!
But I need the catnip, so I can have some fun with the cat next door.
Sometimes you just need a plain old shaker of salt.
I see abundance is now the spice of life.
Wow……Variety is the vice of YOUR life!
You leave the asafoetida outta my Palak ki Dal once more and you can find yourself another guard dog!
Darn it…I don’t think I have ‘All spice’
Darn it…I don’t think I have ‘All spice’!
(Posted again, because I did not check the ‘Notify’ option..Thanks!)
“I wonder which spice can change a dog in prince charming…”
I tell you what……. You make my dinner and you can have my dog food.
“Isn’t there anything that will make my kibble taste like dead squirrel?”
Let’s see, do I use the Amabito No Moshio, the Iburi Jio Cherry, the Marlborough Flakey, the Bali Reef, the Dolce di Cervia, the Korean Oyster Bamboo, the Tidman’s, or the Morton’s Kosher?
“Just in case you’re thinking treats here, might I recommend the hand-picked saffron threads for just a hint of color.”
I love your caption!
Thank you Sangeeta! If dogs could talk, no?
Ha. Mine is different, but saffron figured in mine, too!
“Next time listen to me and don’t alphabetize.”
“You’re right, something’s missing…”
Guess this is what they mean when they talk about the Spice Girls!
And this time NO garlic. It makes my bark worse than my bite.
funny!!
“I’ve always thought that just a pinch of cumin really brings out the umami in my kibble.”
The Mistress of Spices?
Don’t look at me. I’m not climbing up there again.
No, bacon is not a spice but I have some of my favorites you can choose from.
” Your move”
“What do you mean you still need a man?”
Which spice will make my dish delicious? I need an app for that!
‘Uh…you’ll want to stay out of the den. Don’t ask. Oh, and we’re out of curry powder.’
He said he wanted to spice it up a bit…I wonder which one?
Do you think I have achieved Allspice???
“Maybe it’s not ‘zingy’, but you won’t find love on that spice rack, lady.”
“May I suggest we go out for Thai?”
You ever think maybe you went a little overboard with that “Variety’s the Spice of Life” thing?
Maybe it’s time we cancel that subscription to the “Spice of the Month” club!
You playing Eeney, Meeny, Miney, Mo with the spices again?!
You buy one more spice and I’m calling Spices Anonymous on you!
I’d go with the Cardamom this time…but that’s just me!
‘I took the liberty of alpha-dog-betizing them for you.’
“Why do I sweat in the kitchen when all the kids want is spaghetti and you the meatballs.”
I saw something like this on an episode of Hoarders…we really need to sit down and talk about this spice thing!
Variety may be the spice of life… but this is taking it too far!
Curry would be the obvious choice for lamb & rice, but I’m hoping to build a more complex flavor profile.
“If variety is the spice of life, you will live forever!”
Variety, the spice of life.. my foot, Its still a dogs life for me!
I think is time to invest in one of those automated robotic ‘claws’
“Your human paws and my dog nose…, we could take this spice thing to the next level.”
“You don’t need more spices, you need a foot stool”
” I Spy(i)ce”
“May I suggest a good divorce attorney?”
“Honestly, the canine pepper diet is the way forward”
A LIFE of Spice? These will last into the hereafter, Monica!
Okay Ralph, changing the alphabetical order is NOT funny!
Is there anything there that could spice up my boring dog food?
Put all the spices in my dog food you want, but remember, if makes me barf, turmeric stains the carpet.
Correction:
“Put all the spices in my dog food you want, but remember, if it makes me barf, turmeric stains the carpet.”
Yes, there are still spices on the shelf at the supermarket.
Will dinner be ready any time before midnight or will you still be adding spices “to taste?”
“Honestly, the canine spice diet is the way forward…”
Asafoedi what?
No, I don’t have 573 spices, I only have 140.
I don’t care how many spices you use, you will never be Monica Bhide.
this one is a winner!
Whaddya mean you’re going to pack “just a few spices” to take to the lake cabin the this weekend? Where will my toys go?
All these spices and you don’t even own a single pot or pan?
CORRECTION to previous entry.
Whaddya mean you’re going to pack “just a few spices” to take to the lake cabin this weekend? Where will my toys go?
Okay, so you can never have too many spices, but when are you gonna cook something?
Are these just for decoration or do you actually use them?
“What’s for dinner?”
I don’t care how you season my bone, Mother Hubbard, just FIND one!
Rosemary, I’ve said this a million times, but you don’t get it, do you? I’m just a dog!
Been there, done that. Do you have something else? I’m experiencing breakfast boredom.
If I eat the all my saag paneer, can I have an extra big dog bone after dinner?
Correction to the previous entry:
If I eat all my saag paneer, can I have an extra big dog bone after dinner?
No, I STILL don’t think you can make an entire meal out of just spices. Who do you think you are? Monica Bhide?
Rover knows that when she makes him sniff one of these spice bottles, he’s going to go crazy chasing his tail.
He can’t wait for the fun to begin, but she seems momentarily confused.
Yes, you’ve been a good boy, tonight you get to smell vanilla beans. But only sniffing, no licking!
The neighbor’s been complaining about your barking again. You’re going to have the chamomile infusion before bed tonight, no negotiation.
I could have sworn the lamb vindaloo was a bit on the spicy side, but it’s all gone. Did you make them feed you under the table?
Some women have all the spice in their life and they still look at you like something’s missing. If only I had half that many doggie treats…
“You forgot the salt?!”
Lady, “Variety is the spice of life!”
Dog, “Only for those who can reach the top shelf….”
“I’ve forgotten where I put the anti-aging spice!”
Love potion number nine…hundred and twenty seven
Please don’t deconstruct the spice shelf; we’ll be reduced to rock salt and peppercorns. And dogs don’t even do salt.
What do you mean you don’t have any thyme?
Dog: Woof.
Lady: Was it one “woof” for cumin and two for coriander?
You’re my Spice Girl, all the spice and all the girl I can handle. Where else would I Wannabe?
So it seems ‘thyme’ and tide won’t wait for dogs either…
Oonchi dukan, phika pakwan which loosely translated would mean, “Fancy front, flavorless food.”
I told you that you should alphabetize them.
Do you want me to fetch the ladder?
OK, OK, you’re right. It’s cayenne pepper not canine pepper.
The granulated garlic didn’t agree with me last time. Let’s try something else.
Your sister Rosemary called; she said if you don’t have thyme to go to hers she’ll see(d) if she can cumin over for annatto.
Doris confused the expression “variety is the spice of life”
Bonemeal. Think ‘what would Monica Bhide do with bonemeal?’
Now, why did I arrange the nigella on the top shelf and behind???
Look! Wolfbane! It’s the 5th spice from the right. Now if I can only jump high enough to get it!
As Rover reprimands Monica for serving a bland dog biscuit, she wracks her brain perusing the spice rack for a savory sprinkle that’s suitable for canine consumption.
What have you got for squirrel seasoning?
“What have you got for squirrel seasoning?”
“Erma Bombeck was right…Women never throw out spices!”
“Spice variety sure makes for a bland life…she stands there for hours every single day!”
Old Mother Hubbard didnt have this problem!
I really spoil you far too much with your dog bone flavourings. But come one… from the top shelf again?
As Monica’s spice rack grew to resemble a library book shelf, she began contemplating a Bhide decimal system.
Monica Bhide – the original Spice Girl
One day, Monica realized that amongst her hundreds of Veggie Belly Jars of Spice, not one was meant for her dog. She decided: “we’re going to have your voice heard, even if it means occupying Petco, Petsmart, PetSupplies, and Petland.”
Am I really out of Salt?
“Got anything there to pump up my Eukenuba?”
“I hear there’s a black cumin from northern India that will bring out the road kill in any ancestral diet.”
Tonight I’d like curried Alpo.
Don’t think you can disguise my medicine with cilantro again.
Don’t bother looking for the pink Himalayan salt. I ate it.
Do you have one that smells like dog butt?
Do you have anything extremely spicy I can replace with the catnip?
Dog food with herbs? I don’t think so.
Old Mother Hubbard never had this problem! I swear I spoil you too much, now what flavour bone do you want tonight?
All those jars and nothing to make it taste like the trash?
Just face it – you’re not Domenica Marchetti.
I think it would be better to organize the spices by color.
I wouldn’t put anything sometimes known as “the devil’s dung” on my food. Are you crazy?
Darn, I think the brown mustard seeds should go with the M’s instead of the B’s after all. Argghhh, all that re-organizing.
I don’t care how much ghee you use to sauté it in, asafoedita will never become milder and more pleasant tasting.
How did I get five bottles of cardamom?
Okay, but do you have any ketchup?
Are you playing psychokinetic spice again?
They don’t fall off the shelf on command!
No, Monica, it was parsley, sage and powdered old boot.
Monica faces the sudden realization that 225 precious jars of spices expired in 2007.
Catsup, catnip… When are they coming out with dogsup?
Ooh, Ooh let me pick! Let me!
My turn again?
All this fuss, when all you need is ketchup.
For a moment, her eyes glazed–as the few spice bottles in her kitchen multiplied, then organized themselves on a heavenly spice rack seemingly beyond reach–and Rex thought he was going to lose her. Then he remembered, she’d been reading Monica’s blog again.
There’s only four on the counter, Erma, Zack barked, one more, and you’re good to move on to the wet ingredients.
Wass up Bee?
Wha? did you say wasabi?
Can we eat already?
I smell inspiration wafting further and further away. No dinner, again, doggone it!
Monica stared and said to herself, “I know the decorator said the kitchen would look so much sleeker without labels on the spice jars, but I am beginning to have second thoughts.”
That’s not what they meant when they said “spice up your sex life”
“You forgot the salt.”
“You forgot the peanut butter.”
What do you mean you’re out of fennel pollen? My kibbles taste like dog food without it.
Now where did I put the Spice of Life?
Looking for the Spice of Life again?
Can you help me find salt and pepper?
Do not disturb. I am counting my spice jars! Hope I get it right this time around….
Remember Rosemary, the golden retriever from down the street? I really liked *that* Rosemary. Do you have anything like that??
Putting the ‘fancy’ in ‘FancyFeast’.
Taking canine cuisine to a whole new… shelf.
Maple bacon. Yeah, yeah, maple bacon flavor.
Feeling bottled up?
Go ahead, twist off one of our lids and see your life spice up.
One Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte with skim please. Yeah, you can pour it right in the bowl.
Afraid of the genie inside the spice bottles?
As a tourist during the arabic revolutions, Lucy was forced to spend much of her time at the souk, naturally.
Stop looking at the label, “SPICES” as if it read “BEWARE OF DOG.” We don’t bark, only add bite.
Got spice, now what?
When Sue called Spice, both the dog and the rack showed up.
“Resistance is futile,” said the spice rack as Rex growled in fear.
“You can try anything you like, but it always tastes like dog food to me.”
Onions and garlic are bad for dogs. I hear you. Why don’t you email Monica Bhide, to see if she has any suggestions?
A pinch of saffron, I’m telling you, that is all it needs. And maybe a dash of cayenne.
I know. I can never find the cinnamon when I want it, either.
“Time we added another shelf to the spice cabinet”
“Cabinet cabinet on the wall, who’s the spiciest one of all”
“Think I found it. 9th shelf, spice no. 4 from extreme right.”
Consider it a game. I emptied ONE jar. Now you just have to find it.
I’m out of musterd seeds so no hot dog today…
“All those jars and not ONE says dog butt?”
“Really? You never noticed it’s ‘secips’ backwards?”
“Where did you put the Turmeric? Did you forget I have dyslexia?”
This is not what I meant when I suggested you curry favor by having the boss over for dinner.
No salt or pepper??
‘How did I forget to buy salt?!”
No, I’m not sniffing them all to find it. Labels, I tell you, labels!
I’m serving an ’08 that aged under oak in topsoil.
That new dog food you bought is as bland as your old boots that I chewed through when you forgot to buy me rawhide for three weeks. So you can just toss it out right now unless you put a dash of Cat Spike on top of it.
You’re not going to find the cumin. How do you think I manage to get those freakin’ bully sticks down?
“Fetch!”
“Way to go Martha – spice it up … takes on a whole new meaning now doesn’t it!”
When I said I liked ginger, I meant the terrier next door.
I’m not telling you which one is the Genie… I’ve still got two more wishes!
Of course the Genie isn’t labeled “Genie”. I have wishes left and neither of them is for you to get my wishes, lady.
Yes, I whipped up the talking potion myself. No, I’m not telling you how.
No… there’s no Genie there… I just woke up able to talk. I swear!
Since when are Zuzu’s Petals a spice?
Seriously! I was Col. Sanders’ dog. The eleventh secret spice is beer!
All the other dogs were raving about how good it tastes… Anise…
We could make a mint! I was talking to Col. Sanders’ dog and here’s the eleven secret herbs and spices…basil…
by “bark”, I did not mean “cinnamon”.
…And then I said to Emeril, “BAM! Let’s kick it up a notch.”
Occupy Spice Rack is turning out to be bigger than you thought.
What, no catnip?
I’m begging you; liven-up my rawhide chews —
or I’ll go mad!
She only said “eat down your fridge!”….
Frankly, I’m a tad burned-out on the curry,
turmeric, and paprika dog treat thing.
Got anything in Mediterranean?
Any way to spice-up a hairball?
His Mistress’s (of spices) Voice
Anything to compliment a can of meat by-products,
grain fillers, hormones, and antibiotics?
‘9 racks of Spices’ yes, that’s what I will name the book!
I am lost! Should have labeled these.
People buy souvenirs, I buy spices!
Now, lets buy some pots and start utilizing these spices
112 spices for you, and all I get is a hard, dense,
bone-shaped biscuit. By the way — I can count.
Can we make a decision? I’m not a cat —
I don’t have all day.
I believe you used the last of the flea powder in the stew.
“None of them are as good as bacon. Trust me.”
Just salt, okay?
Since you feed me table scraps, I thought you should spice up the menu a little.
How does it go? Spice is the variety of life?
One of the peppers whistled for me.
Careful. The kids were in here with their chemistry set today.
What’s all this? I thought variety was the spice of life.
They followed me home. Thought they might spice things up around here. Can we keep them?
Seasonal decor?
Is mail carrier a spice?
You might call it ‘allspice’, I call it ‘muttspice’.
Do you have thyme in dog years?
My vet said it’s the garlic that makes my breath smell like yours.
All together now: 99 bottles of spice on the wall, 99 bottles of. . . hey wait, I think I’ve got it wrong. . . how’s that song go again?
Yes, tonight I’d like some cinnamon . . . .
Ah, yes. . . Shakespeare’s Hamlet, a classic, Mary, indeed: There’s rosemary, that’s for remembrance; pray,
love, remember: and there is pansies. that’s for. . . tip-toeing. Oh shoot, tip-toes are for the tulips: I need some rosemary stat.
Tonight I think I’d like some cinnamon <<>>
Tonight I think I’d like some cinnamon –bark bark–
When I heard the newscaster say herb and spice consumption has gone up a staggering 300% in the last 3 decades, I didn’t think he meant it happened all in one kitchen!
I know, I know. . . we all need more thyme–but I’m really starting to worry about you!
Now’s not the thyme, Margaret!
I REALLY need to go outside!
Not THAT kind of thyme, Margaret!
I need more ‘ME’-time…
Go ‘head…try it, Margaret.
A nice pinch of cayenne between the cheek and gums!
Feelin’ spicy, Margaret?
Do me a favor, Margaret…
Grab the Cayenne and spice up my dog food!
Eenie meenie miney mo,
To which great place will my taste buds go?
Upon my dog chow I dream of flavors divine,
Please pull the parsley, rosemary and thyme.
“My vet says that you should cut back on the curry powder. Just sayin’.”.
If you can’t decide, I can get some squirrel for you.
“Canine” is one before “Cat” and “Cumin.”
99 spices and a bitch ain’t one.
99 spices and vanilla ain’t one.
Why is it that I never have all the spices that Monica Bhide’s recipes call for? Guess it’s time for another trip to Penzey’s.
“And you forgot to buy salt?”
No, I’m telling you it was “parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme,” I still have the record album.
How do you expect me to remember what spice jar you put your ring in for safe keeping? I can’t even remember where I hide my bones.
Okay, so I thought I’d do a “smell check” of all of these for freshness. I got as far as asafoedita and knew the whole lot had to go.
“Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme” – it was a hit for Simon and Garfunkle, just think what you could do with all these choices. Get out your guitar.
If variety is the spice of life, you must be livin’ large.
Do you know that Egyptians were buried with their spices? Is there something you need to tell me?
Old Mother Hubbard I’m not….
“S p i c e s” she thinks out loud…
dog responds: “should say “Pharmacy” and no you don’t need a 5th kind of pepper”
What spices go with toilet water?
Each spice represents a potential presidential candidate. Pick one to cook with for the next four years.
I am so appreciative of all the entries. Time now to close the comments so Liza can judge and pick a winner!
I am entering a caption, although I am NOT eligible to win. This is just for fun: “You are taking this “Spice Who Loved me” thing way too far!”
Thanks all. We will be announcing the winner here soon!
Seriously? But I’ve been begging you to spice up my food for years…
Yeah, I know I ate your copy of Monica Bhide’s book, but I’m sure you can figure out something to do with them.
AND NOW – This contest is CLOSED officially! Thanks all for participating.
And we have a winner – https://monicabhide.com/2011/10/new-yorker-cartoon-caption-contest-winner.html
Check it out to see if you were one of the finalists or if you won!
Many thanks to all for participating.